I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
