Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize