Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
