You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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