Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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