Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
