you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
