Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
