Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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