I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Randomize
