Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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