I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
