He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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