How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Randomize
