I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
