well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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