Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize