East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
