I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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