He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
