UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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