Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she pinky promised me she was 18
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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