he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
