Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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