we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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