Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
