I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
