You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
