The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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