she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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