drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
