My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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