I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
