i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
