Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
