No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize