I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
