I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
