hotel room ftw
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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