Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
