My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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