thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
