You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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