We're facebook friends in real life
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
