Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
