In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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