I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
