Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
