My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
