If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
