we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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