Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
