next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
