you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
third nipple confirmed
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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