So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
