remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
