you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize