She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
