Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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