I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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