I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
love makes seman taste better
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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