she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
