Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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